Garrus' Bitter Thoughts
by Miss Elizabeth Blakeney
Summary: Garrus' thoughts hang heavy over him during his loyalty mission. What choice will he make?  I'm putting this in the M category because of the game's rating and the presence of one major curse word. However, without these considerations, the story's T


Garrus' Bitter Thoughts

By Miss Elizabeth Blakeney

Garrus should truthfully say that there were few people in the entire galaxy that he claimed as "friends". Family didn't count: they had never been truly close and had always cared about him strictly to the degree that familial loyalty expected. Colleagues didn't count either: he had collected plenty of these over the years, whether in the military, C-Sec, Omega, or the two Normandy ships he had served on. Enemies most emphatically did not count: though he had collected quite a few of those over the years-most he had also managed to outlive.

No, the sniper who freely admitted he didn't make a very good Turian had never been one for friends. However, he had found out something very interesting about the universe: never underestimate it. Before he had even heard of Reapers, he had told his sister in one of her mandatory "family chats" that he did not believe the universe could produce a being that he could ever call his friend. Less than a week later, he had left his C-Sec job and was chasing a traitor Turian across the galaxy with a female human. That he would work under a human was one thing; that he came to believe, respect, and call her a friend would have been called impossible if he were not experiencing himself.

It was not that he had anything against humans or females, it was just that he'd never believed he could have anything in common with one. And yet he did, more then with anyone else he had ever met. Shepard's subsequent death and reappearance (not to mention her sudden working with the hated Cerberus) had not bothered him the way it seemed to the others of her old crew. Oh, her death had brought him a great deal of grief, but if he knew anything about the Commander it was that she would have never wanted them to grieve for her but to continue to "fight the good fight". And so, he had fought in her memory to the best of his abilities.

And just when he had thought it had all been for nothing, she had appeared to once again save his ass. It had been as if she had never left: the witty banter, guarding each other's backs. He had never had to wonder if she would protect his flank or if she would understand a signal. Just like old times. He should have known better then to believe that even Collectors or Reapers could keep Commander Shepard down. Even though working for evil Corporation had worried him, he had never once questioned Shepard. He knew better than most that she did not believe in might making right or the ends justifying the means. They were the antithesis of everything Shepard was; so how could Alenko or the others believe she had turned traitor. No, it wasn't the Commander who was the traitor, and it was only Garrus and later Tali who saw how much her old crew's doubt hurt her.

So Garrus had a friend, one who meant more to him than anyone else in the entire universe. The moment he had seen her walk towards the building that had become his prison, he had sworn to himself that he make sure she would live to see the other side of their new suicide mission.

All this made the current thought in his head that much more abhorrent.

Academically, he knew why Shepard was doing this. She had never been much for revenge, and apparently not even death could change the human Specter. A part of him even understood that she was doing this more for his benefit then that bastard Sidonis'. However, right now, with his hated betrayer in his sights, rationality and forgiveness were not the first things on his mind. The only thing he could imagine was the blossom of blue blood growing from the armored head in front of his scope. It was not a dream that was likely to come into being now because Shepard's head remained firmly between his sight and Sidonis' head. And at this moment, his finger itched to pull that trigger more then his head and heart wanted to not see Shepard die again.

Guilt flooded him as he finally faced the darkness inside of him for the first time. The darkness that Shepard had always known was there and had cared for him anyway; had cared enough to show him a better way. A way to not become the very monsters he had committed his life to fighting.

But what about justice, a part of him argued. Ten good men were dead, ten families broken irreparably. Didn't they deserve to know that the man who had killed someone dear to them would never breathe another undeserved breath? So the Turian felt sorry for what he did? His being sorry would not bring the people who had trusted him back from the dead. The best he could hope for is his death to perhaps reset the balance. Justice demanded it…right?

He could hear Shepard arguing with him, once again appealing to that side of him that few people even saw; hell, half the time he didn't even see it. But somehow, Shepard always did. And in this twisted, fucked up galaxy, she seemed to be the only one who saw something good in people he never would have. She had even given the Cerberus operatives the chance to prove themselves something more. They had risen to meet her expectations; could he?

As darkness waged war with light, the body of Garrus Vakarian readied itself for his choice. Muscles tightened, heart raced and then slowed; one final breath was released before the final moment. Through the scope, eyes dark with sadness or rage gazed down at his greatest friend and bitterest enemy. A moment later, his choice was made.

Now if he could just live with that choice.

* * *

><p>Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted anything to this site! This is a new fandom for me, but I'm utterly addicted to the games (can't wait for the next one!) and I'm hopelessly in love with the character of Garrus (of course he was my romance choice! Though there is Thane...;P). Garrus is such a complex character...and yet not. I love his dialogue, his look at the universe, and how Shepard seems to always bring out the best in him (if you play paragon-which I always do...with just a hint of renegade for spice). This short story had three purposes: 1) to see if I could write in this fiction 2) to see if I could actually write something that was under 1,000 words (988 was I believe the final total-go me!) and 3) to write what was going on in the head of our favorite Turian during the end of his loyalty mission.<p>

The ending is purposeful. I really believe that at that moment he could take either path. That he would deeply regret the darker one does not mean that in that moment he couldn't take it. Would he?

That's for you to decide.


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